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Epil… WHO?

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Epil… WHO?

Khadija Pemba, Journalist

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For six years I haven’t been me. Everything felt as if it was moving slow. I’m becoming a different person.

 

“Everyone changes as they grow.”

 

“Maybe you’re over-thinking.”

 

Along with my favorite, “You’ll be fine.”

 

I know all this. Yet, this feels different. There isn’t just one, but two of me.

 

She walks, talks, even looks like me. She isn’t my twin sister. This girl is inside of me. Yet, she isn’t me. I wasn’t born with her, she just came to me.

 

For six years, she has been with me. She is growing stronger, and has even built her own personality. She’s erasing my existence. I can’t get rid of her. I’ve lost myself. Now she has friends with her. She’s not alone.

 

The Three Musketeers.

 

Anxiety, the one that attacks me when everything seems to come crashing down. The one that makes me believe that I can’t do it. I’m not good enough. I won’t make it.  

 

Depression, the one that seems to feed off my worries and thoughts. She blocks happiness. Makes me believe that I’m alone. That I’m all I have. That nobody cares. That no light will ever enter this dark road.

 

Together, they cause me stress. Together, they keep me in bed and away from everyone else. That helps their leader.

 

Her name.. Epilepsy.

 

Epil… WHO?

 

Epilepsy, Depression, and Anxiety. The girls that rummage through my brain.

 

Epilepsy is who I fear most. She gives me a headache when I look at bright or flashing lights. She attacks me at the worst times possible, in school, at home, even in my sleep.

 

They each have a signature. Seizures and headaches, Epilepsy was here. Tears and dark thoughts, Depression paid a visit. Shaking and panic attacks, Anxiety stopped by.

 

For six years they’ve been pretending to be me. I can’t get rid of them. They are erasing my existence. I’m losing myself.

 

For six years they’ve been playing to be me. I can’t get rid of them. I won’ t let them erase me. I’ll find myself again. I can’t lose this battle. I won’t lose this battle.

Epilepsy – A neurological disorder marked by sudden recurrent episodes of sensory disturbance, loss of consciousness, or convulsions, associated with abnormal electrical activity in the brain.

Seizure Disorder

 

Anxiety – A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

 

Depression – A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life

1 Comment

One Response to “Epil… WHO?”

  1. Dativa Sebagabo on December 24th, 2018 11:25 pm

    Hi I’m Dativa I’ve been going through the exact thing for a year it’s compared to a seizure but I was diagnosed with basilar migraine headache and that caused my body to shut down I would have seizure like activity and I couldn’t control what was going on, with all the stress and anxiety too along with it. My whole world flipped around when this all started happening I was always scared something bad would happen to me when I’d wake up out of it and it was just a tough state I was in and to see someone who’s been through something similar than I have and longer and have so much confidence to write about it is such an inspiration

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